Moving my hips like yeah...

OMG, I had sooo much fun on Saturday. I got to go to a club for the first time in my life! SO EXCITING, and revealing as well. I'll talk about it later. I absolutely needed that release after an extremely long week of AP tests and Model UN debating. I was really tired of all the work and cramming, and this week is finally over. I felt confident about taking my AP tests and I'm sure I earned a 4 or 5 (highest grades).

Model UN was interesting, not that it's ever boring. I had a relatively simple topic which I will not specify for anonymity's sake. However, the simplicity of the topic was kind of an unfortunate thing, because it led to the same people coming up to the podium, reiterating the same general points over and over again. Trust me, it gets annoying after about the fifth time. I thought I that I could've brought up some original ideas and new thoughts on how to address the issue. That's what I thought, but not what I did. It's a huge problem with me, that I thought I'd get over by now, but whenever it comes to public speaking, it's incredibly hard. I guess I'm what you'd call an introvert. In my mind, everything is completely organized and very analytic and insightful. I love being able to remain in nothing but my own presence and focus on my thoughts. When I get in front of people, it's an entirely different story. First of all, I absolutely cannot stand being at the center of attention, with everyone listening to your word choice, your tone of voice, the pronunciation of your words, and all interpreting them at the same time in their own way. When you think about it like that, it is pretty scary. However, I managed to speak twice by reading off of a paper on which I pre-wrote some things I wanted to say. I felt proud that I was able to do that in front of 250+ people, considering my fear of public speaking. Maybe next year, I'll be more confident and I get an award for Best Delegation or an Honorable Mention.

It wasn't until after, the conference was over, that I really loosened up. I was so free and unrestricted in my inhibitions, I surprised even myself. Not only did I have fun, I had some particularly personal revelations. So, I went to the club for the first time. The pics at the top of the page.


It's like that except, Saturday night it was packed. Hundreds of people were rubbing up next to each other unintentionally and you could hardly move. I was really nervous about going, so I spent at least an hour getting ready before heading out. I put on my favorite blue-greenish shirt from urban outfitters, that looks really nice on me but it's still casual. I got my best jeans on, with some matching sneakers, and made sure my face looked reasonably attractive. Yes, as you can imagine, I was really nervous, so I had to be a perfectionist. When I entered the club, I tried looking for friends or even classmates from school, but I couldn't find anyone. So, I sat down, and looked at everyone dancing, while being shy. Then the song came on, Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. Let me just say that I absolutely abhor most pop, especially pop by Miley Cyrus of all people. Pop lacks the creative, awe-inspiring, original feeling that music should give to its listeners. With the exception of a few **Lady Gaga :D** pop rarely goes out of the monotony of a simple beat and overused hook, with unintelligent, meaningless lyrics to accompany. I could go on about my belief in what true music should be, but I digress. Anyways, I don't know what it was about that song, but as soon as it came on, the Miley Cyrus' digitally enhanced voice captured me , and made me wanna put my hands up and move my hips. lol. I went to the downstairs dancing area and a friend spotted me, and pulled me into the center of the dancefloor. I hadn't expected it, but it was the thing I needed to bravely start dancing in the crowd. After that, the rest was amazing. My friend left me to dance by myself, and at that point I was shamelessly dancing to the beat of the music, almost as if I had let go of all my precautionary thoughts and worries and my body was flowing freely, connected with the music.

Then, what happened was a moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. As I was dancing to the music, a girl and her two friends approached me. Her friends told me that, she wanted to dance with me, and I replied yes. She was an attractive blonde girl with an average weight, about my height. Now, having never been to a club or a party, I thought dancing meant her and I, face to face, with limited contact between each other. Woah, was I wrong! Unexpectedly, she suddenly turned around and began rubbing her butt on my dick, gyrating her hips from side to side. Completely shocked, but unable to show it since her back was turned to me and the strobe lights were flashing on and off, I went with it and danced with her for about thirty minutes in that position. Now, I must say, it was extremely exciting and I felt a pure adrenaline rush through my body, however my "gayness" was never as clear to me as in that moment. Here I was with this hot blonde, pressing her butt against me, and I had no erection, no hard-on, no anything. Later, I danced with another girl, in the same way, except she was a bit more aggressive in her movement, and got the same result. Some of the guys started taking off their shirt cause it was really hot and sweaty in there. I found my self looking at them. The Italian guys were especially hot; most of them had cute faces, medium length brown hair, and the sexiest abs I've seen up close. I was literally inches away from touching them ... oh the temptation! It doesn't take a scientist to figure what went on that night. I quote A Pimp Named Slickback, lol, "Scientifically speaking, has [it] achieved the desired result?" My answer is yes, and heterosexuality wasn't the desired result anyway. That night at the club was just an affirmation of what I already knew to be true.

To anyone, who thinks being gay is a choice, you are sadly mistaken. The blonde girl who was (I'll use this term cautiously) 'bumping and grinding' on me was very visually attractive and I still felt nothing sexual towards her. I just wish everyone could experience what I felt, and allow themselves to become much more open-minded about sexual orientation. I'm really tired right now, and it's time to go to bed. Goodnight to all.